


Madness

by Arwen_Evenstar



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Cannon, Disguise, Drabble, F/M, Fluff, Funny, force, snl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 10:58:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16135835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arwen_Evenstar/pseuds/Arwen_Evenstar
Summary: Rey has a close encounter with Matt, a volunteer radar technician working for the Resistance.His similarities to Kylo Ren do not go unnoticed.It is an opportunity for Rey to say the words she couldn't say back on the Supremacy.





	Madness

**Author's Note:**

> Dear all, this short story is inspired by our weekly drabble at the FB page of Reylo Fic Rec. This time, an image by Picanto, depicting Matt and Rey inside an elevator (or so it seemed). You can check the artist at: http://picarito.tumblr.com
> 
> Also, this story was inspired by the song Madness, by MUSE. You should check it out, it has all the Reylo feels.
> 
> Enjoy and, as always, hope to read your comments!

 

Rey entered the narrow elevator that would bring her to the mid levels of the Station. She sighed while pressing the button, hearing the doors shut swiftly before her and not being able to prevent a wide yawn that made her tear up.

The last months had been rough on her. Poe had put her and Finn in charge of training the incoming volunteers, as best and as hard as they could. There was a battle coming, everyone felt it simmering. The First Order had been quiet. Too quiet; like someone was waiting for who would take the first step. Draw first blood. Make the first, and last, mistake.

The gentle hum and vibration of the elevator was hypnotizing. Her mind couldn’t help but to trail off to that moment, on Crait. When she saw him, kneeling in front of her, how his eyes begged her to stay, practically shouting “ _ let me explain! _ ”. And the look of disappointment, when she closed the door on him. 

Rey felt a pang to her heart and pursed her lips: even now she questioned her decision. 

When sparring with Finn, when practicing in the gym or when training a particular flight maneuver, was when she missed Luke and Han’s guidance the most. She cursed him then, and was 100% sure that he was unredeemable. But, in the quiet hours of the night when she layed in bed, she would think of him. Of his hand rising, of his voice, pleading, of those eyes burning her, taunting her. She was not so sure then. 

Her skin would itch and burn, a moist would settle between her legs and her chest would feel so heavy. The Force in her would sing and vibrate, and she would want nothing more than to see him, standing again before her. 

But nothing would happen. She would push the bed sheets in frustration, get up and workout until she was so tired that her body would just collapse into a dreamless sleep. 

The lack of rest was so bad that she was starting to feel and see things that weren’t there. Sometimes it felt someone was watching her, but she turned around and couldn't see anyone strange. Another time she swore she saw Luke among the crowd in the cafeteria, or sitting on top of a boulder on one of the planets they scouted for supplies. 

She yawned again, just before the elevator stopped at the engineering bay, where all the core hardware of the station was sectioned and maintained, like an atomic clock. The kingdom of Rose Tico. 

Rey walked passed by several mechanics and technicians, all of them in their typical orange or grey overalls and carrying the tools of their craft. The shift was changing and many of them would be hurrying to get the transport soon. Rey could see it in their faces - they were going home, to their families and friends, to find some needed relief in the middle of that stale madness.

She could see Rose and Finn next to another technician, pouring over some switchboard that was completely ravaged - wires and silicon cards were pulled out and there were several alarm buttons flashing. 

Rose was crouching, next to the tech. Finn was standing, leaning against the wall and observing the scene. He had absolutely no talent in fixing things. His strength was encouragement and pep talk: and he was all there for Rose. 

“Rey! Finally, we need some of that Jedi shrewdness to help us out.”

“KRIFF!” Suddenly a wire jumped and the technician shouted, throwing away the tool he was using. Rey looked at him momentarily and her eyebrows rose, surprised by his reaction. She could see the man was big, in the way he was crouching over the board leaving almost no room for Rose. He had short blond hair, curly and spiky at the same time, if that was possible. But...the longer she watched, the longer she thought that he reminded her of someone. 

“Damn it, Matt! I told you that wasn’t it! Now we are going to miss muffins at the cafeteria...and you know how I get when I don’t get my muffin, MATT.” 

Finn looked at Rey as she was about to make some snarky comment, raising his hand in dismissal and rolling his eyes. Rey shut her mouth and smirked. 

“It was not as easy as I presumed. And can you please stop yelling at me? You are starting to stress me OUT.”

That voice. The voice that would leave her paralyzed in her dreams. The voice that would leave her insides knotting in anguish and without relief.  _ His _ voice. 

“Rey, what's wrong? You look pale all of a sudden.”

Rose stopped jabbing at the technician and turned to look at Rey, tapping on the man’s shoulder signaling him to take a break. As he raised, Rey felt like she was watching everything in slow motion.

His massive form was rising and seemed like he was never going to stop. He towered over them all. The broad shoulders were taunt and he reached for his neck, massaging it a bit, before taking a deep breath and turning around. 

“Rey! REY!”

Rose was practically screaming at her, both hands on her shoulders to make sure she would not fall. But Rey could not help but gawk at the technician, recognition crossing her face - despite his awkward stare, despite his wide rimmed glasses, despite his short cropped blond hair. It was him, in the flesh. 

From surprise to fear to anger; it was only a breath. She rammed him with the Force, making Rose fall over Finn. Matt slammed against the switchboard so hard that all the silica panels flew off their holds. He shouted in pain for a second and then the shout turned into a squeak, as he reached his neck with both hands, gasping for air. Rey snarled, eyes clouded, teeth bare and skin red with fury. Her fingers raised, twisting the air just like she would twist his windpipe.

“Rey, stop! You will hurt him!” Rose shouted, having recovered from the shoving and placing herself between her friend and her employee. Finn stepped close to Rey and reached for her hand, trying to dissuade her from pressing further. Finally, Rey snapped out of her descending spiral and Matt immediately dropped onto the floor, with Rose turning to check on him.

“You’re INSANE!” his voice was cracked and weezing,”I was--I was advised not to join your party, to go help the First Order instead--but work is work!” he continued protesting from the floor. Rose was trying to make him stand. 

Rey was stepping forward, wanting nothing more than proceed but this time using her bare hands. “Why you conniving SNAKE”, she started before Finn stopped her, pinning her with a strong hug. He knew he would not match his friend’s Force powers, but still he had to do something. So, while Rey kicked and squirmed like an animal trapped, he just talked slowly, trying to calm her down.

“Stop, please. You are scaring me.”

That seemed to calm her down and she stopped, waiting for him to step away which he did. By this time, Matt was up and rubbing his neck while Rose was standing in front of him, waiting for Rey’s explanation. Rey looked at the object of her fury and blinked. At a proper second glance, she started seeing some small differences, besides the obvious hair and glasses, the most obvious one being that he had no scar. 

She bit her lip. No, it couldn’t be. He was exactly like Ben. 

“Come on!! It’s Kylo Ren!!”

Her friends froze at the name being mentioned, looking nervously at Rey and then at Matt. Rose just burst into laughter, toppling over. Finn was biting his lip, wanting to refrain leaving Rey even more upset. Matt couldn’t help but produce a small scoffing sound before he slowly started grabbing his tools and shoving them into his toolbox, mumbling something under his breath.

“What’s that you are saying? Speak up, I dare you!” Rey shouted.

His head shot up and his eyes sparkled behind the glasses. He dropped a hammer to the floor and in two steps he was almost on her - almost, because Rose was blocking him with her back. Rey stepped back watching that incoming fury, just like she remembered. But what alarmed her in the end was that deep down she felt part of her soul rejoicing. The part of her soul that tossed and turned at night, and that wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let’s just take a breath here, ok?” Rose said, spreading her arms and no longer laughing.

“Rey, I am 90% sure that Matt isn’t Kylo Ren” Finn started, his face twisting into a mockery grin which made Rey even more annoyed.

“Yes and I vouch for the other 10%”, Rose added, no longer having to block Matt from his path of destruction. He was back at tossing the tools into the box, making sure to drop them with a loud noise, each time shooting a strange look at Rey.

"He looks exactly like him! Exactly!”

“What? No, no, no. Trust me. It’s not Kylo Ren. I was a trooper. I would know.” Finn held that look of confident smugness that annoyed Rose beyond belief. It was her turn to roll her eyes. She picked up some of the silica plaques and shoved them into his arms. Finn jerked, trying to balance them. 

“Look, Rey, Matt has been with us for over a month now. I was the one to admit him, we ran all the background, he passed all the checks.” Rose looked over her shoulder to the radar technician before leaning closer to Rey “He is so stubborn, but he is a damn good engineer. And it's not like we are showering with help.”

Rose and Rey looked at him and he stopped, feeling watched. Rey exhaled sharply, looking at his ears sticking out, bright red. How could it be? Was it one of those freakish coincidences? She was dead tired, maybe it was her mind playing tricks on her? Was she seeing what she wanted to see? 

“Do you mind?” he complained, glaring his eyes at her and adjusting his glasses. Rey shivered and her stomach twisted into knots. 

“Suffice to say he doesn't have many friends, keeps to himself. Finn told me that he said something about being divorced? It does seem that he is trying to forget something or someone. He has that  _ look _ , you know?”

Finn finished picking up the plaques and was piling them up by the console, to be inserted once more into the slots. 

Matt finished adjusting the straps of his toolbox and got up. He pat his uniform, adjusting the places where it was wrinkled. “I will check with the maintenance team to send another colleague to assist you”, he said, addressing Finn and Rose, but avoiding Rey. It was like she was not even there. Again, she hesitated. Maybe she had overreacted. 

“I am scheduled to go on leave today. I will request to be reassigned to another station”. His voice was clipped and sharp. He was not offering anything for discussion, the decision was made. Rose frowned, concerned, and Rey could see that his skills would be missed by the lead engineer. 

As he was about to walk out, Rey cut him off and he immediately jumped back, arms raised as if in surrender. His voice echoed through the floor, the anger and annoyance palpable. Finn and Rose braced themselves to diffuse another fight. 

“I am leaving! On my own accord! I don't want trouble, certainly not with a Jedi!”

“No. I can't let you. You are needed.”

Matt slowly lowered his arms. His body relaxed just an inch. His brow became less ominous and scary.  _ Less Kylo and more Ben _ , Rey thought. Nevertheless he was still keeping a safe distance and a strong foothold, in case she would try to ram him again.

Rey looked at her friends, standing by the switchboard. They seemed almost frightened and an inch of a doubt passed through her mind: was it like this, everytime Ben had an altercation with someone? The fear of not being able to overpower her, if need be, would trump their friendship? 

Rey looked at her hands and then at Matt. He wasn't afraid, he was expecting something. An apology. And a damn convincing one. For a moment, Rey was back in that throne room, with lights cascading around her, and Ben reaching with his hand. 

_ Please.  _

She closed her eyes and swallowed. Then she took one deep breath, to focus. She wanted to be convincing; but when she opened her eyes and saw his, staring so deeply into her, expectant, she had to force the right words out. 

“I am sorry that I’ve hurt you. Please don’t leave”, she spoke as softly as she could. “I--I might have mistaken you for someone else.”

If it hit a nerve, he did not show it. His face kept that look of simmering annoyance, until the silence became too embarrassing. He pursed his lips and turned to Rose, addressing her directly “I will return in a week. Please make sure you have eaten enough muffins.”

Finn snorted and Rose immediately jabed her elbow into his stomach, making him wince in pain. She turned to Matt, smiling “Don’t worry, I will finish this and then we can move on to other stuff. Lots of work to do, if we are to get ready.”

Matt nodded and turned to face Rey. She was not expecting for him to address her, so she stepped aside, leaving the path open for him to leave. As he walked passed by her he stopped. He was near enough for her to smell him. She looked up and immediately felt that odd mix of anger and regret squeezing in her throat. 

“I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for.”

And with that he continued walking, her eyes following his movements until he left the room into the large corridor leading to the main elevator. Behind her, Rose and Finn were already reinserting the plaques into the slots, the machine beeping and hissing, as each correct key was inserted. “One...two…”, Rose was counting, checking the procedures.

Rey was listening to the machine, as the beeps chimed in unyson behind her. She was still looking at the empty door, her heart beating faster as the beeps got louder. Something was off, she could feel it.

“Three! Done!”

The machine suddenly stopped beeping and there was an eerie silence. 

“I need to go” she whispered, and then she started running, leaving a surprised duo behind her.

Rey ran towards the elevator, seeing Matt entering the elevator and turning to close the doors. 

  
“Wait! WAIT!” she shouted. He kept looking at her and made no move to hold the elevator doors. Rey doubled her efforts, calling on the Force to help her make it. She practically lunged against the door, managing to squeeze her hand just in time to block it, and it opened again smoothly. She looked at Matt, a question spread over her face. His response was to take a step back, to make room for her to go inside.

Rey turned saw the button to the hangar level flashing. She pressed it, and the doors immediately closed, trapping them inside. 

As the elevator began its descent, Rey breathed deeply, trying to muster the courage to say what she really wanted to have said. It was an opportunity, even if he wasn’t  _ him.  _ But it felt like him.

“Listen and don’t speak, please. I will leave you alone, but I need to say this.”

She felt him stiffen behind her but he kept quiet. She swallowed, mustering the courage she needed. How she needed for him to listen.

“I know you have been hurt. By those that you trusted most. Your father, your uncle and me.”

Silence. The lights ran swiftly over her face, and she remembered the elevator at the Supremacy. They were as close as they had been then. She even felt the technician’s body heat wafting towards her in the confined space. 

“And you were right: I am still holding on. But so are you.”

Rey closed her eyes, feeling the elevator slowing down, the sound becoming muffled and thick, like water. An energy spread through the small space. She turned around and stared into the black eyes of Kylo Ren.

His hair was as black and soft as she remembered. The scar was but a thin, almost invisible silver thread running down his face. She stepped closer, feeling each beating of her heart weigh inside her chest and that strange feeling nestling deep inside her stomach. His lips were swollen and red. His left eye was twitching, undecided.

“I knew it was you. Why?”

His eyes were hungry for her face, taking each detail with extreme focus and precision. She saw him hunch and his hands curl into fists, but she did not feel frightened. Now, so close and finally unveiled, in the flesh, the Force told her everything she needed to know. She smiled.

“I couldn’t get those memories out of my mind. Of you, leaving, shutting the door.”

Rey winced, the guilt twisting inside her. 

“I tried very hard to let you go. But this...this madness. It was stifling. It swallowed me whole.”

His hands shot up and reached for her arms, squeezing them. His body was vibrating under his grip, and Rey felt that he could unravel at any moment. “So I had to come. I had to see, for myself, what was it that kept you from taking my hand. It was so easy to join your party.” A hint of a smile brushed his eyes and settled over the corners of his mouth, in a mockery glint. “Your friends, especially.”

Her face closed in a scowl, ready to retort. But then he actually chuckled, taking her off guard. She had never heard him laughing and the sound spread over her, like millions of small specks of Light whirling around them. But it only lasted for a breath of a moment, as he resumed his grip, slowly moving up over her forearms, her shoulders. She shuddered, and he felt it. His hands stopped moving, and he stared deeply into her own eyes.

“I needed to know if you were right. The Light. If it was real.”

Rey was afraid to blink might he disappear, like it was before their hands touched for the first time. 

“Is it? Real?”

His hands started moving again, his fingers tracing the line of her jaw, cupping her face and caressing her lips. She sighed, feeling his touch, remembering the sleepless nights when she had yearned for it. She felt the Force settling in over them, like a velvet blanket, one part Dark, another part Light. His breath over her teeth. His tongue, parting her mouth and letting him in. His lips, warm and soft, sliding over hers.

Everything seemed to click into place, like Rose’s silica plaques. The lights of the switchboard, chiming. The Force, flooding them both in a haze of black and white.

The elevator suddenly stopped, signaling its arrival and the doors opening into the departure hangar. Rey jerked, looking behind her hoping that no one would see them in there. “Quick, into the…” she turned again into a pair of wide, gold rimmed glasses and a shot of blond hair. 

“I can’t handle all these mixed messages” he stated, flatly.

Her eyes flickered, confused at first and then realization set in. Could have she been dreaming again? Could have she willed him to be there, instead of Matt, just so that her heart could settle? Her cheeks flustered, embarrassed, and she started to back away from him, unable to meet his stare.

“I am--so, so, sorry---I didn’t mean”

His hand shot out and grabbed her, pushing her close. 

“No. This time I won’t let you go.”

Her initial reaction was to jerk away, but then his lips closed over hers and she was flooded again, with the joy of her Light tinged with the fear of his Darkness, the fear of loosing her again. She melt into him, her hands reaching to his nape and pressing his kiss deeper.

“Hei! Hei! Nice one Matt!”, said a group of techs that were passing by the elevator, going to the shuttles departing.

Rey yelped, looking around the elevator for a place into which she could crawl and hide. The best thing she could do was swiftly placing herself behind Ben’s massive body, trying to shield from the curious stares of the other techs.

Matt took a step forward and Rey could sense the Force within him, held in check but ready to pounce at any second. The laughter died away and Rey could hear someone coughing and another hushering the group along. When their footsteps were lost into the hangar, she placed her hand on his shoulder and immediately felt his tension fading along with those footsteps.

He turned around, reaching for his backpack that had been left in the corner of the elevator. He stepped back, away from the doors. The sound of the departing shuttles feeling eerily familiar to her.

“I will return. And we will fix it. Together.”

He kept looking at her until the doors of the elevator closed. Rey blinked, her head light as a feather. She laughed for a moment, alone, thinking that perhaps he meant the switchboard he was working on with Finn and Rose. 

Rey smiled, brushing her fingers against her lips. She would sleep tonight.

  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
